“ Yeah, too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all
It’ll drain the power that’s in you
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You’re the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you
Every time ”
That’s the chorus of Queen’s “Too Much Love Will Kill You”, penned by guitarist Brian May and sung by Freddie Mercury (d. 1991). Seems a bit exaggerated, you think. They probably meant either: 1) Love could drive you crazy, especially when you’re torn between two people you want to be with, 2) Being too in love could kill you (via suicide), or 3) both.
But just as the apt Queen ditty is, the answer to the question above is true. Too much love can kill you. Yup, we are seriously going to answer this question.
The prognosis of the unhealthy mania towards your partner in a relationship is documented in the “Obsessive Love Wheel”. It is composed of four parts:
The attraction stage is when you become infatuated to someone you see. It may start physically or emotionally, or what have you. From here, either a real or “perceived” relationship is developed. Either one of the partners can be classified as RD, or relationally dependent.
The next stage after attraction is anxiety. When you’re in the relationship, your insecurities as a person suddenly kick in. You become prone to its effects such as fear, illogical reasoning, anger, and neediness. This is a sign of you becoming uneasy about the nature of the relationship.
Obsession comes after. With the fear of losing a loved one, either partner resorts to extreme control tactics in an attempt to keep it “together”. Some of these could include stalking, excessive communication over the phone, text, e-mail, chat, or other means, guilt trips, and tunnel vision (an unhealthy, constant focus on one’s partner).
Once the obsession reaches a tipping point, the relationship ends and the destructive tendencies set in.
Because of one’s neurotic attachment post-break up, he/she may result to either of the following damaging actions to either numb the emotional pain or attempt to cancel it altogether:
A huge factor in this emotionally damaging case is the act of smothering. By definition, smothering means ‘to suffocate; suppress”. Either partner demands too much of the other’s time or presence to satisfy one’s emotional needs.
The problem with smothering is that the focus is in your wants and needs, never the partner’s. This is how love can be considered overkill. Hence the, “I need space/room to breathe/think we should see other people,” line during break ups. Too much is required that the other partner can’t keep up with the high demand, causing one to leave the relationship in order to be free.
If either one is relationally dependent based on our illustration above, then he/she is prone to the effects of the obsessive love wheel, resulting in damaging actions that could lead to one’s demise.
It’s true. Too much love can kill. In order to avoid that, a person must first evaluate the reason/s he/she is entering into a relationship. Is it because you love your partner unconditionally to put their hopes and dreams above yours, or do you need to be in control all the time, setting off a course of destructive actions that will damage you in the long run?
Think long and hard before getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. Either two scenarios can happen: You could end up with the love of your life, or it could mean an early death. Yours.
P.S. Here’s your takeaway lesson: